TEN COMMANDMENTS OF PARENTAL BEHAVIOR

(These commandments are adapted from an article by sports psychology expert Rick Wolfe, author of Good Sports, The Concerned Parent's Guide to Competitive Youth Sports.)

Unfortunately children's extracurricular activities today are often marred by the involvement of parents who lose their perspective of what is important and how to behave appropriately. Here is a reminder of how grown-ups should act at kids' swim meets and practices.

1. Talk about the other kids on the team - infact, on other teams as well - in the same manner that you would want parents to talk about your own child. This is the golden rule applied to sports. Sitting in the stands watching the meet is a social affair. When you are making conversation, think about what you are saying before you actually say it. To be on the safe side, only voice praise for the other children. That way, you'll never go wrong.

2. It's nice to give the coach a pat on the back when your child swims well or the team is doing great. It is even nicer when you give the coach a pat on the back when your child is swimming poorly.

3. Give officials a pat on the back too. The officials are volunteers who sacrifice their time to provide safe, fair competitions for your child and help them learn their strokes correctly. Consider being an official yourself.

4. Remind your child that it is the effort that counts. We know all the kids want to win. Everyone wants a best time. But if there are winners, there will be losers, and times will not improve every swim. Be prepared to cushion your child's disappointment by pointing out how proud you are of their hard work and effort.

5. Avoid the post meet analysis. When the meet is over and your child climbs back in the car, avoid AT ALL COSTS the detailed, excruciating analysis of everything they did right or wrong. Just let them chill out, savor the fun of having swum, and relax. The absolute worst time for "friendly criticism" is immediately after the meet.

6. Smile. A lot. Kids' sports are about having fun, and because kids take their behavioral cues from you, try at least to look like you are enjoying yourself.

7. If you aren't a good sport at the meets then your child won't be either. If you blame the coaches, the other swimmers, the officials for your swimmer's performance, then they will copy your behavior and won't accept responsibility for themselves.

8. Learn the rules. Know the schedules. Read your newsletter, ask questions, make it your job to know what is going on.

9. If you must yell at the meets, shout only praise and encouragement. There is never any place for derogatory, snide or sarcastic remarks at children's meets.

10. Above all, be there for your children. Support them, praise them, and let them know you can always be counted on for unconditional love, regardless of the times they swim.